Have you ever heard the term ‘intravaginal latency time’?
If not, let me explain. Intravaginal latency time is how long it takes the male partner (penis owner) to reach an orgasm after it has been inserted into his partner’s vagina. Usually this time is relatively short, with the average being somewhere around the three to four minute mark.
However, our bodies change as we age (gasp!). As men age, the intravaginal latency time may change as well due to a host of factors that will vary based on each individual.
I had a patient come to me recently who was feeling extremely guilty that she had begun to avoid sex with her husband because his intravaginal latency time was around fifteen minutes long. Let me just say in case you were wondering – fifteen minutes can be quite a long time for a woman to accommodate that kind of friction. Especially if she isn’t super aroused (the friction is interpreted by the brain as pain), already experiences dryness, or has other symptoms of vaginal atrophy (which is very common and often under-treated).
So my suggestion to my patient and anyone who is struggling to accommodate their partner is to 1) address the issue, let your partner know what’s going on and 2) Work together to find a solution that helps satisfy your partner (this can be done with toys, hands, mouths, etc.) and take a lot of the pressure off of you and your vagina for providing an orgasm.
You don’t need to stop having sex! Have the conversation(s), address the issues, work together to find a solution. You likely don’t actually want to let it get to the point of intimacy avoidance and total lack of communication. If you feel overwhelmed or lost as to how to have these conversations, try seeking out a sex therapist or coach. They can be amazing facilitators for these kinds of conversations.
And remember, this is not your fault and you are not broken.
Pro tip: Erotica is an amazing tool for helping shift your mindset from business to pleasure if you’ve had a busy, stressful day and need help getting into a sexier mentality. I recommend the Rosy Wellness app for erotica of all kinds, and it’s categorized based on the level of spiciness.