Adult SexEd


You Are Not Broken

Feeling Broken in the Bedroom? What You Need to Know About Your Sexual Health


This is an interview I did with Lesley McShane for her podcast “Redesigning Midlife” and it was just such a good interview I asked her if I could share it again.


  • Basics: a. Menopause means it’s been one year and one day since your last period. b. The average age of menopause is around 51. and c. for ten yearsprior to menopause, women go through peri-menopause, where hormones are doing a reverse puberty.
  • A lot of women stop or have pain during penetrative intercourse during this time due to a decrease in natural lubricant and collagen, but this can be easily treated.
  • Even if you don’t have menopause symptoms, if you are over the age of approximately 51, you have gone through it.
  • The most sexually satisfied people aren’t young people, it is people in their 50s, 60s, 70s.
  • Great sex is not a passive thing. It’s an active process, just like someone that is physically fit. It has to be prioritized.
  • Use of lube increases your success of orgasm by 70-80%. Silicone based lube is best because you don’t absorb it like you do the water based.
  • There is no “how long” should I use Vaginal Estrogen cream. The use of it is like using sunscreen or wearing a seat belt.
  • You don’t need a “sex drive”. We do things because they are awesome. If you aren’t having awesome sex, don’t wonder why you don’t desire it.
  • We feel entitled to a spontaneous sex drive that has been sold to us by media. And when we don’t achieve that, we end up feeling broken.
  • Putting something in the vagina only leads to female orgasm 30% of the time so special focus need to be paid to the female body. Your largest sex organ is your brain.
  • Don’t sit passively by waiting for spontaneous desire to happen. Get dressed up and go to the party even if you don’t think you want to. Chances are you’ll have a good time once you get there.
  • Control of stress and cortisol levels in our bodies will help us desire more intimacy.
  • If there is a desire mis-match in your relationship, normalize it by talking about it.
  • Communication with our partner about menopausal symptoms and what we are going through is important to our relationship.
  • Get educated on hormone replacement therapy as an option. When women start thinking about how they want to live as they get older and get educated, then they see how beneficial HRT could be for them.
  • Women between the age of 50-60 that are on hormone therapy live 3-4 years longer than women in the same age group not on hormone therapy.
  • For our young adult children that are starting their own sexual lives, the biggest thing they need to know from the start is about consent.
  • Young adults need to be aware of is orgasmic equality.
  • We have to educate our girls that pleasure is for everybody.


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Lesley McShane’s website

Lesley McShane’s podcast, Redefining Midlife


Kelly Casperson, MD | Board Certified Urologist · Sexuality & Hormones Expert and Advocate


Kelly Casperson, MD

She’s the sister, urologist, sex expert and friend you never knew you needed….until now.

Dr. Kelly Casperson is a board certified urologist. That makes her an expert of the pelvis. And her mission is to empower women to live their best love lives. Because let’s be honest. None of us were taught right. Combining the power of mind, body and relationships, Dr. Kelly joyously breaks down the societal barriers that are keeping us from awakening into our best intimate experience.

Listen, share and subscribe.

Whether you are young or past menopause, single or in a long-term bond, it is never too late or too early to realize YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. With humor, candor and ease, I break down the stories that we have been told about being sexual beings, to help us play, explore, and normalize our lives. Nothing in this podcast is personal medical advice, of course.

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